Nikolai Dellarocco

 This last year was a 6h Profection year, and my Solar Return was in the 8th house. It was simultaneously the darkest and most transformative year of my 42 years. I was in the goo of a dark house—a house my asc can't see. You see this is where my Venus is and my rising sign cannot see her, nor can it see my Jupiter. So love and my own power is foreign to me. I often won't see it in my own life. I have to overcome this darkness to see the impact I make. I often attribute my own accomplishments to other things, or dumb luck. But that challenge is being faced head on and being proud of myself is something I've recently started working on.

With my 6th house being in Taurus and my Venus, not only were health matters at the forefront—so were my cats and getting their needs as elderly felines taken care of. My mental health was in jeopardy as well. My anxiety was at an all time high, and I finally realized what was causing it. And once I took my fitbit off, my body has healed at an astounding rate. I'm not anxious anymore, and yes I still hurt, but I'm not constantly being reminded that my health isn't where the algorithm says it needs to be. Sometimes technology isn't the best, and sometimes it makes things worse. And, ironically, I've since heard it hurting more people than helping—and that result for me was not unique.

That being said, I was in the depths—covered in the muck and mire. I was gasping for air, sinking in the quicksand and begging anyone or anything for help. But what I needed to do was be still and listen. I needed to listen to my own instinct and intuition. I needed to take the fitbit off. I needed to remove people from my life by letting go of the rope.

You see, there was another rope I needed to grab—one that wouldn't release as soon as I got close to freeing myself. I needed to let people do what they wanted to do, and I did. People are fading out of my life, and it's honestly healing. It shows me who wants to stay and who wants to go. And those who want to go, there is no actual ending—no moment of closure. Instead the moment of closure is when they quit messaging back, or when I quit reaching out because I was always the first one messaging. And, I'm alright with it. I'm at peace with the loss, because it's truly not a loss. It's making space for the people who deserve to be in my life to come in.  It's showing me their heart, and that they aren't my person. Which isn't a bad thing, it actually alleviates the need to fight for everything to remain in my life and grow comfortable with change.

One lesson of the year was learning to decipher who deserves to see me in my messy vulnerability and who doesn't. Intimacy of all kinds is important, and I long for that depth of connection—the sacredness of relationship. For example, my best friend is a Scorpio Moon. And My Jupiter is conjunct her moon. Our connection used to be turbulent yes, but as time has gone on, she has seen me at my worst. She has fought for my life on several occasions, and refused to give up on me when her strength, her strong person (me) was in shambles—armor shattered and scattered to the wind. She helped heal a heart she had no hand in breaking. She picked me up time and time again, even if it involved telling me the hard things. There were others, but she was an example. But there is an intimacy to our relationship there hasn't been before, and it showed me what I wanted and needed. I need those close to me I can be vulnerable with. With my 12th house Scorpio Jupiter, sometimes my power is in deciphering who to allow my armor off around and keep it on around everyone else. Sometimes keeping your mouth shut and working in secret is the best thing. It's about knowing when to do it that matters.

However this year, I am back in the sun in a 7th house profection year. My Time Lord is Mercury, and things are going to speed up exponentially when you combine it with a 5th house Solar Return. Pluto also aspects everything in my chart, so this next year is going to be just as transformative, and I imagine some good things will be coming my way.

But I will admit that the sun is blinding, it's bright. I feel my flayed skin burning as it tries to acclimatize to the light for the first time in 6 years. I feel much like a nuclear apocalypse survivor finally peeking their head out of their shelter to see if danger has passed. After the hellfire cleansing of my 5th house profection year, I have sensitive nerves. Mars burned everything that wasn't mine away, and Venus helped me love myself to release what was remaining to be released. I feel I'm ready for this 7th house year. And while I feel like certain things will happen this year, I'm going to keep them to myself and see how it plays out. Because the Universe has it's own plan, and sometimes when you hold too tightly to an outcome, something even better can't come in and what you thought you wanted isn't what you actually wanted.

Until next time
~NMD


Connect with me across platforms:
abssolutealchemy.com

I'm a Sagittarius Rising.

That puts my 12h in Scorpio and because of my birth date, my 12h contains my Jupiter which is retrograde in my natal chart.

As many of you who are into astrology know, the 12th house is the house of self-undoing, hidden enemies, and secrets. These are among many other things, but right now I am currently focusing on those.

Jupiter is expansion, luck, long distance, travel, learning, among many other things. But today I am going to focus on the luck factor of him.

Over the last two years, and especially in the last 2 months, I've been healing at an incredible rate—often in the background. Quite a few times, I have had realizations wash over me that I randomly were given, and that I have no idea where they came from. There have been many times as well that things turned out okay in the wash, and I have no idea how. And, all I can be is grateful.

Let's return to Winter 2022-2023 when I was settling my late husband's estate. There was minimal accounts to settle, and even the accounts without my name on them were resolved in a fashion that made it to where I did not have to go to probate court at all. I genuinely thought I would have to go to probate and lose a ton of money. But no. The Universe shone down upon me and I was able to have everything settled, including the house sale, by May 26. This was also the time where I had to figure out how to do my taxes again after 1.5 decades of not having to be the one to do them. I was able to grieve in a manner that was good to me, as well as work on reducing the panic attacks that were hitting often 6-7 times a day.

After that, I had to figure out how to pay for debt he left behind, as well as a car note that I was not prepared to take on. And somehow I have had money for every single payment without question. I thought I needed a job, so I went and walked in and got one easily. Granted, I ended up quitting it after seeing the writing on the wall for treatment of employees, but I made friends. I learned how to exit my shell, and how I wanted to show up in this world. So it was very healing for me.

All through this process, I was still working on my art business, and somehow I didn't lose it. Those that loved me stuck around, and they supported me without question as I navigated my new normal from going from what I thought was happily married, looking down the barrel at divorce, then thrust into the bends of being a widow. But at every turn I was supported. I was even given guidance about what to do and how to tie things up, and I will forever be grateful for that document I was given by a family friend.

Even today, I discovered important information had been leaked and I was able to take every precaution to prevent anything from ever coming of it. And now I am more protected than ever. It feels really good too. I'm proud of me because before it was something I wouldn't fight—instead simply hoping it would go away. Which isn't fair to me.

So here are my thoughts.

Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter. He is an incredibly benefic planet that takes care of his own. I do believe Sagittarius risings often don't realize how lucky they are as Jupiter often works behind the scenes to protect his people.

My Jupiter is retrograde in the 12th house of Scorpio. Scorpio is an extremely secretive sign. And it makes hidden things even harder to see. Secrets are stuffed down further—so much so that my mind often compartmentalizes it and I completely forget about it until it's relevant again.

I firmly believe that my 12th house genuinely blinds me to my luck, and that it isn't until I sit down and look at the gravity of the situations I've survived that I see it. Because every single example I provided could have wound up far worse than they did. I wasn't ruined. In fact, I got away from all of it relatively in tact given everything that happened—dare I say better than I was before in certain situations (i.e. - business).

And now I'm healing at a profoundly quick pace. Right now he is in the same house as my 6h Taurus Venus who normally he is opposing. And I believe she is involved in that fog as well. Her effects are shrouded by their opposition. So I won't see the self love I am giving myself until I see it manifest physically in this realm.

Jupiter is currently transiting my 6h until May 25. The 6th house rules the every day, routine, health, and other things. He is a healing planet and has been aiding me in healing my heart, my health, mental health, and many other things. Even recently I've started changing eating habits, drinking more water, walking, and getting things under control. I've been creating new rituals, making new friends, and coming out of the shell I'd placed myself into. I've went from being in agonizing pain every day, to having days where I genuinely don't hurt. I've went from sudden and crippling panic attacks to managing it without medication. I've grown my business. I've done so very much with him expanding my 6h. I have more to do, but in a year—after everything I've been through—I am beyond proud of my progress.

And I'm excited and grateful to see what he has to bring to my 7h after May 25.

So if you're a Sagittarius rising, please lean into your Jupiter. Remediate him. Gain his favor. Because the more you work with him, the even luckier you will be. And chances are, you won't ever know it. Just love him—and more importantly yourself—harder. 

~NMD

Connect with me across platforms:
https://abssolutealchemy.com